What is Friendship?
What is friendship? That isn't as easy a question as it may seem, however today there was a perfect example of it. This morning - John and I took the train to Belgium to meet up with my friend Serge, whom I first met in 1997 when he was visiting LA. Over the years we kept in touch by mail - yes real mail - we wrote back and forth and when I spent four weeks in Europe during my 1999 work sabbatical, I stayed with him and his husband for a week.
When I took my mom to Paris - we were their guests and then when my mom and I were in London, Serge came to meet us for the day. We last saw each other when I was living in Manhattan and he has kept up with all my addresses.
As we wandered into another church, he told me this one honored the patron saint of lost causes.
"We had you down for forever lost," he laughed. "But immediately, this morning, I could tell the two of you fit."
I had to stop from getting too overwhelmed so early in the day. We continued through town with Serge as the perfect guide, stopping for a healthy lunch before the decadent eating that followed.
Were these two events coincidental? Who really knows, but we felt our mothers together and it was a wash of warmth.
As Serge shared his stories about dealing with his mother's dementia, we all grew even closer. Lending our ear and our advice on watching your mother at the end of her life was all we really could do for him. It was interesting to learn however, that when your elderly parent is in rehab here, the country pays for it. Once they come to your home, if you choose to do so, that financial support ends. We could only listen more, but I think that's all he needed.
Feasting on a Belgium waffle (again- never for breakfast) and then more wine and Belgium frites, John and I realized that even at 17,000 steps, we have a long way to go to counteract the day's food intake. We probably have to return for a waffle though, since John wants one with butter and powered sugar.
"It's less polluted that way."
For Serge and me, recounting our friendship to John was an incredible walk down memory lane. Together we laughed and reminisced on what it meant to really be social before social media. Of course, we had to buy chocolate, and it was, alas, too hot for the shops to be selling hot chocolate. We had another glass of wine and made our way back to our respective train stations.
We hugged, said au revoir and looked forward to seeing each other again. This is a friendship I treasure. It has always been easy, without judgement on who visits who and how often we write. I did have to laugh when he said "your last letter reminded me why it is good you type them." I told him that my excuse for my penmanship is maybe my brain thinks faster than my hand can write.
Our walk back from Gare du Nord took longer than expected since we went in the wrong direction. All of a sudden we were in the 18th arrondissement and from the looks of the neighborhood, we didn't want to stay. We turned around, made our way back to the train station and figured out where maps was taking us. Overall, that added over another 10,000 steps. So, it all worked out. The second we got back to our hotel, I was ready to shower and get a good night's sleep. We have more walking to do!
To have my European friend watch my life's journey- and know he's still with me - "after all - Rosemummy is gone I can't write to her and ask if I have the correct address for you anymore," is something I cherish. Friendships may come and go for reasons you can't explain, but for the ones who remain, you can just be grateful. You know they are real even when the letters may be hard to decipher.
